Grief…No one can do it for you

I recently posted this piece on my FB page DCPutnam Consulting.  The posting received more than 2,300 hits and obviously had a huge impact on my readers. I want to include it here so others may see it in the future.  (Double click on diagram to enlarge.)

*****     *****     *****     *****     *****

This diagram was recently posted by a close friend and colleague.

It occurs to me that grief does not follow a specific time line or direction. You don’t move from point A to point Z in a straight line.. you make progress and then you take a few steps back or make turns before moving forward again.

Everyone’s grief journey is different. You may find that months or years later you are still grieving. There is no “right way” to grieve.

Grief and loss take people up and down with their emotions and how they handle life. You may look “just fine” on the outside, but inside you may continue to struggle with your grief for many, many months or years. Triggers like birthdays, anniversaries or holidays can be very difficult to deal with over time. Just when you think you have put a certain grief emotion behind you, it may surprise you and pop up again because something has triggered that response.

It’s good to listen to the caring advice of close friends and family, but ultimately this is a job you have to do all by yourself. No one… no one can do it for you. Be confident that in time you will learn how to live the new life you are facing, you will learn to adjust and figure out how to move forward.

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  1. Hi Doreen:

    Please post this on your blog or site:

    “Grief had two very different meanings for me when my mother and father died in 2016. For my mother her death happened too fast. (18 days from diagnosis to death). For my father it was 9 agonizing months of hospice and it was a relief when the torture was finally over!

    I wish we could have done things differently with my mother. (Like getting a second opinion from another surgeon sooner than we did.) For my father I have no regrets.

    Second guessing decisions that we made for my mother still haunts me at times. I wonder if other people share this sentiment with decisions they made!

    David Creamer

    • David,

      Thanks for responding. I know what those regrets are like after we have made previous decisions. The thing you have to remember is that you did the best you could each day when you were making those decisions. We never want our loved one’s to suffer through agonizing health issues, but the shock of a sudden death can be so overwhelming. You cared for your parents in a loving, passionate way and I’m sure they appreciated all you and your family did for them.

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